Beautiful Chaos (Plus Chocolate!)

After dinner at our house is often a busy time.  Usually, Andy and I are doing what we can to clean up dinner, catch up on laundry, rotate kids through baths, or maybe even have a little bit of conversation.  The kids, on the other hand, are typically running full speed through the house engaged in a host of imaginative activities.  On any given night at our house, you might experience:

-  A real life version of temple run -  kids running, jumping, sliding, anything to "avoid the monkeys and get the treasure out."
- Various versions of "Who Let the Dogs Out", "We Will Rock You" and "What Does the Fox Say?"  (of course, they only know a couple lines of each song, so it's just those lines - over and over and over)
- Ninjas, princesses, monsters, detectives, heroes, cowboys and girls, and almost any animal you can think of (and maybe some you wouldn't think of )

- My kids' version of the Olympics, including "running the course of 1,000 deaths" and "climbing the tower of fire"
- Family games (some favorites are Quarriors, Flashpoint Fire Rescue, Forbidden Island, Hey That's My Fish, and Pokemon)

- Real life version of Pokemon or Skylander battles (complete with never-seen-before powers)

There are days when I think "It's going to be so nice when the kids are older and the house is quiet."  The other day, I was home alone for a bit.  And the house was quiet.  And I really missed the craziness.  I realized that, while a break from the chaos is great now and then, I think I'm really going to miss the loud, busy, never-know-what-to-expect part of my life that my young kids provide.  Where else can I get all of that imagination and energy? 

Don't get me wrong - a quiet evening at home still sounds good some days.  Sometimes I'm downright desperate for one.  But I also don't want to miss out on the enormous blessing I have at this moment - this part of my life that I only get to live once.  Right now, my kids actually LIKE being at home and playing with each other and with mom and dad.  I know that's not going to last forever :) 

So, I'm working on savoring the moments - the noise, the wackiness, the creativity, the mess.  There will be a day when the kids are grown, my house is quiet and clean, and I'll be glad to remember these days when imagination overflowed, when I had all manner of "visitors" grace our home, when I couldn't walk into a room without stepping on a toy.  I will be glad that the walls of my home and heart have known laughter, learned from conflict, and experienced worlds beyond my own imagination.

In the meantime, a girl's just got to have some chocolate to get through some days!!  I found this recipe for Fudge Bombs - and it hits the sweet spot!  

Another bonus - they are a cinch to make.  Except for the part where I was getting out the aluminum foil and the little tabs on the box didn't hold, sending the roll flying out onto the floor......

Oh well - bring on the chaos!

Music of the week:  Simon and Garfunkel  - how can you go wrong with that?

Until next time, my friends...... live well.

Becky

All I need... Reflections from Sunday

This week the sermon at my church was on Mark 10:46-52.  In this passage, Jesus heals a blind man.  The main point was this: Jesus was the answer to this man's problem, and He is the answer to our problems.

So, I got to thinking.... sometimes the things that I think are my problems, really aren't problems at all. There may be things in my life that I would give my right arm to change - and they aren't going to change.  In my all-too-often narrow view of things, this makes them a problem.  And while it's true that there might be uncomfortable, painful facts about my life -that doesn't mean they're a problem.

The truth is, I really only have one problem.  And it's a big one.  It's one I can't solve.  The problem is this:  I am a sinner who will one day stand before a Holy God.  This is one meeting that I can't cancel, and no amount of rationalization/explanation/justification on my part can take away the fact of my sin.  I cannot solve this problem.

God knew that I couldn't solve this problem.  He's known it from the beginning of time.  That's why he sent The Answer.  Jesus is what solves this problem for me.  He washes me clean and makes me holy so that, when I do stand before the Father, I can stand with confidence that my sin is no more.  Jesus solves the unsolvable problem.  He answers the deepest need of my soul.

This is a truth that I find such freedom and comfort in.  It's not about me and what I do, earn, or accomplish.  I don't have to "try hard to do good".  A couple of years ago, while having a "moment" and grasping my inadequacy of fixing myself, I grabbed some paper and a pen and starting writing:

"Every time I come to the end of myself, I find Jesus.  And when I turn around and look back, I see that it was Him all along - He has always been woven through and is the cord that has never broken, even when all the other strands are frayed and cut.  There is Jesus, holding it all together, loving me and bringing me along to the end of myself so that, finally, I can rest in the One who has already completed the work that I could never do.

It hurts to come to the end of myself - to feel my life being stretched and pulled so that strands are taught, and fray, and snap.  The unraveling of my strength is painful.  But eventually there comes the moment when I am thankful for it.  I am thankful to know that I can't hold it together, because trying to was killing me.  I don't have to hold on to the broken, twisted strands.  I just have to hold on to Jesus.  He never breaks, never frays.  So, it hurts to come to the end of myself, but that's when I see my Savior and truly find my life."

Please understand that I am not trying to make light of the many horrific problems that occur in our world.  I am not saying that the ONLY need we have is to have our sins forgiven and to enjoy a relationship with our Savior.  What I am saying is that, when we understand how our biggest problem has been solved, our deepest need met, we are then free to serve others and meet the other needs that exist.  When I am no longer motivated by guilt or obligation, I can truly be motivated by love to see the needs of those around me and demonstrate Christ's love by working to meet those needs. 

What I am also saying is that, when I realize how my biggest problem is solved and my deepest need is met, the other things in my life that I might complain about as being "problems", don't seem so problematic anymore.  They might still be painful, but who said pain is always a problem?  Sometimes pain teaches me things that comfort could never show me.  Sometimes pain gives me compassion and empathy for others.  Sometimes pain chisels away my self-centeredness, making room for grace and mercy. 

I am truly, literally, eternally grateful that God saw my need, reached down and met me where I was.  And, I am grateful for the reminders that He is all I need.

Until next time, my friends..... live well.

Becky

Baby it's cold outside...

So, I'm realizing that I don't feel motivated to write a post until I have some kind of title for it.  Huh....  I've always been kind of a "big picture" person (or at least, not a detail person), so maybe I need my "big idea" before I can move forward.  I think this makes sense because it's also how I process information.  Tell me your point up front, and then let me use that framework to hang all the other stuff on and I'm good.  What's that you say?  You want me to get to my point?  Well, I guess it's only fair.....

It's been crazy cold and snowy here.  It seems like it's been forever.  We have Polar Vortexes dropping down from wherever they come from, my kids have had six (Count'em SIX!) snow days already this year, my poor husband is beginning to have a traumatic response to seeing snow shovels, the air has that dry-cold-take-your-breath-away feeling when you walk outside, and our yard is nowhere to be seen underneath giant snow piles from the snow from the driveway.  And it's only the beginning of February!  Spring can't some soon enough.

But it's not spring.  Not yet.  (sigh)  One thing I talk a lot about in my job is the idea of acceptance.  You might not like it, you might wish it was different, but in order to do what you need to do - you have to accept that it is the way it is.

So, in the spirit of acceptance, I decided to make something this week that helps warm me up from the inside out when I eat it - Chili.  And not just any chili.  Chocolate Chili.  Yes, you read that right.  Chocolate chili.  I know it sounds kind of gross, but it's awesome.  This week, I made a double batch and froze half.  I'm expecting that winter will be around for a while yet, so I'll need more again soon.

And, just for fun and because they're delicious, I made these stuffed mushrooms. 

Music of the week:  "10,000 Reasons" by Matt Redman.  It came on my Pandora station at least 5 times and I just never got sick of it.  It's still in my head and I really don't care.  Such a great song.

Until next time, my friends.....live well.

Becky

Blessings of a small kitchen

My kitchen isn't the smallest kitchen.  It isn't the biggest, either.  Sometimes while I cook, I can find myself grumbling about lack of counter space, lack of cupboard space, or the fact that more than one person in the room starts to feel crowded.  Admittedly, I can get wrapped up in our culture's "bigger is better" mentality.  I can fall into comparing what I have to what others have, breeding discontentment in myself and my circumstances.  I know it's silly, but I do it anyway.  

This mindset takes away from the enjoyment I get when I cook.  Not just that, - it takes away my thankfulness for the MANY good things I have, not just in my kitchen.  For me, when discontentment starts in one place itdoesn't stay there.  It leaks into almost everything else.   And it can happen so fast, yet so quietly, that I hardly even notice until I'm grumpy and irritated at things that I didn't care about a half hour ago.

So, this week while I cooked, I decided to focus on why my kitchen is great.  As I thought about it, I realized there are benefits to a smaller kitchen.

1.  I can close the oven door with one hand while also using a foot to close the dishwasher.
2.  I can get something out of the fridge while still stirring something on the stove.
3.  Any ingredient that I might need in a hurry (which I often do because I realize at the last second that I forgot something) is only an arm's length or a few steps away.
4.  It forces me to be creative in the ways that I use the space.
5.  I can help kids with homework or easily carry on a conversation with someone at the kitchen table while I cook.
6.  I don't have to carry the food very far from the stove or oven to a counter or table. (This works well for me because I sometimes over estimate the toughness of my hands and how much heat they can handle)
7.  When I play music I can hear it from anywhere in the  kitchen without it having to be very loud.
8.  If (when) I burn food, I only have to turn around to dump it in the sink.
9.  Less counter space means I HAVE to clean as I go - which means less clean up at the end :)
10.  My favorite - it's easier for my husband to sneak up on me and surprise me with a hug and kiss.

In my small kitchen, I made another soup.  Yeah, I know - I already posted on soup.  But I found this one and had to try it.  It's hearty and filling, with a good mix of meat and veggies.  Here's my Butternut Stew with Pork and Spinach.  (Only I didn't have pork so I used ground beef instead.  It was still delicious!)

Music of the week:  Caedmon's Call.  Another old favorite and where we got our oldest son's name.

Until next time, my friends....live well.

Becky

Soup! It's what's for breakfast!

One of the biggest adjustments for me in this new way of eating has been what I eat for breakfast.  I have always loved breakfast.  As a kid I would eat two huge bowls of cereal every morning for breakfast.  On Saturdays, we had pancakes.  On Sundays we had waffles.   And, I would sometimes have another bowl of cereal at night for a snack.  Ah, yes - the glorious carb loaded, high sugar breakfast.  I loved it.  So, when I cut out grains and sugar from my diet, the big question was, "What on earth do I eat for breakfast?".

The first answer is:  eggs.  They are so good for you.  They've got plenty of protein, you can cook them a zillion different ways so you won't get bored.  My kids eat them every morning for breakfast.  Here is my problem.... I have never liked eggs.  No matter how you cook them, I just can't get past the taste and texture.

But, I recently decided it was time to grow up, put on my big girl pants, and eat some eggs.  So, one morning I made fried eggs.  About 30 minutes later my stomach was cramping and feeling sick.  I thought it was strange, but didn't know what was causing it yet.  Then next morning, I had the same breakfast, and the same thing happened.  I started to wonder if it was the eggs.  The next morning I didn't eat any eggs and my stomach felt fine.  Just to be sure, I tried eggs one more time and, sure enough, I felt sick until lunch time.  So, it turns out that my dislike for eggs wasn't just preference after all.  It seems that I can have them in limited amounts - like as an ingredient in something else when the amount of actual egg I consume is very minimal - but I can't have them as a main part of my meal.

That left me with a big, gaping hole in my breakfast menu.  What was I going to eat now?  I tried fruit, but there's no fat or protein, and hardly any calories in fruit.  By itself, it could barely hold me for an hour after I ate it.  Plus, once the sugar rush wore off, I was crashing big time.

Then, I read on a recipe blog that soup can make a good breakfast.  Soup?  At first it seemed so weird to me.  The more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea.  Something smooth and hot and flavorful to start my day?  Yes, please!  So, each Saturday, one of the things I make for the week is a big batch of soup to have for breakfast.  I really love the creamy soups - it's almost like having oatmeal or cream of wheat, but with broth and veggies instead of dairy and grains.  Sooooo good!

One of the first soups I made, and the one that I think might be my favorite is the Silky Gingered Zucchini soup.  It's seriously amazing.  The first time I had it, I literally let out a contented sigh when it hit my taste buds.

That's what I made for myself this week.  It was so cold here and there's a bit of heat to the flavor of this soup.  It was perfect!

By the way, that orange thing on the plate with the sausage is an orange that I managed to completely mangle while peeling it :)

Here are a couple of my other favorite soups that I will make for breakfast:  Sweet Potato Bacon soup,
Golden Cauliflower soup.

Breakfast is, once again, a wonderful, beautiful meal that I look forward to each day.  I know, I'm getting sentimental over a meal - but seriously - it's so good!!

Music of the week:  After the craziness of the holidays, I decided to cook in quietness this week.  (That is, until the kids got home).  It was very refreshing to work quietly in my kitchen - just me, my thoughts, and my food.

Until next time, my friends.... Live well

Becky

An Executive Pardon for Supermom

So, there's this article that I've seen floating around the Facebook world a couple of times now. "Killing Off Supermom".  When I first read the article, I wanted to cheer.  "Yes!  Down with Supermom!"  It is so validating to hear how not-perfect other people are- because really we all are.

As I thought more about it, though, I realized something.  "I'm being super-judgmental right now.  Why should I want to rid the world of someone who's really good at throwing parties or keeping their house clean?"  Now, I'm not saying that most people who read the article were being judgmental - I'm saying that I was.  I am also not saying that the author was being judgmental.  I am reasonably sure that her intentions were not to create judgment.  But, for me - that's what happened.

So, here's how I'm thinking about it.  There may be some women in the world that really thrive as a mom.  They have personalities that lend themselves to structure, so they can make a cleaning schedule and stick to it.  Maybe they really, really love throwing parties and taking their kids all over the place.  Maybe there are some moms who aren't trying to prove anything - they just really like that stuff and love to do it.

For those moms, my hope is that they are doing it because they really, really do love it.  That they aren't thinking that they have to do those things so that the rest of us moms don't think less of them.  My hope is that they can be super all day long and then put their feet up at night and enjoy some down-time.  That "being super" doesn't mean "being perfect".  And if you're a mom who still struggles with the whole "perfect" thing - that's okay, too.  Truth be told, I think we all do - at least sometimes.

So, Supermom - if you're out there and you're supering-it-up all day because you feel great doing it and you genuinely enjoy doing the things that I might think you're crazy for doing - then I say "Way to go!".  I will allow you to do what you enjoy doing without judging you for it.  I will work on my own insecurities that might make me feel jealous or "less than" when I'm around you.  I will recognize that, in each our own way, we are all Supermom at something.  My Supermom ability might not be as visible as yours - and that's okay.  My Supermom ability isn't for your benefit - it's for my family.  Just like your Supermom abilities aren't for me - they are for your family.  So, I will not judge -  you or myself.

And so, whether you fall in the category of organized, tidy, and on top of it - or you fall more so in the category of "What day is it?", "I don't remember the last time I cleaned the toilet.", and "I'm pretty sure that basket of clothes is clean - I think."  - or if you fall somewhere in the middle... Here's what we all have in common - WE LOVE OUR KIDS.

Supermom or not-so-Supermom, we all love our kids to the moon and back.  Whether you're the party throwing kind, the taxi cab kind, the pack healthy lunches kind, the buy hot lunch kind, the let's-make-a-craft kind, or the let's-sit-and-watch-a-movie kind...  The one Supermom ability we all have is to love our kids with a love we didn't know we possessed until we held our little ones for the first time.  If you ask me, that is by far the best kind of ability to have.

Until next time, my superfriends.... live well.

Becky

The Hangover

So, I did it.  I ate whatever I wanted for Christmas Eve and Christmas day.  Okay, actually, I started a bit early.  On the 22nd, we celebrated by bother-in-law's birthday.  They had pizza.....  As pathetic as it sounds, my taste buds have not developed past Jr. High in this area.  I LOVE pizza.  It is the one food that I never fail to get excited about.  I just can't usually show my full excitement because, seriously, I'm a mother of four in my mid-thirties - that would be weird.  So, I started a couple days early with all the classic rationalizations in my head.  Mainly - "I'm going to cheat in a couple days anyway, so what's the difference of one more meal?"

The next day I felt fine.  I worked a long day without any real problems.  I even thought, "Hey, maybe I really can eat more types of foods than I thought I could!"

The morning of Christmas eve, I had a hard time waking up.  But, hey - now I'm on vacation, so who cares?  Plus, we had a long car ride to see family and I could sleep most of the way.  I did my best to eat at least one helping of everything at our family Christmas party - pasta, bread, cookies, chocolate, cheese, crackers, and of course - Vanilla Coke (the nectar of the gods).  I didn't quite make it to everything, but I got pretty close.

Christmas morning came too soon.  The kids, of course, were up and ready to go early.  By then, my brain was pretty foggy.  Waking up was really hard.  Once I was up, I was a bit sluggish, but overall not too bad.  The day held more treats for me to indulge in, and so I did.

Waking up the day after Christmas, I already had a headache.  I was awake, but exhausted.  There were things to do - games to play with the kids, food to run to the grocery store to get, an entire living room of games and toys that needed to be found a home.  By breakfast, I started feeling overwhelmed.  The feeling of "I just might cry for no apparent reason at any given moment" started to creep in.  I was making all kinds of morning-after-promises to myself.... "Never again.  It's not worth it.  All the sugar, all the gluten, all the chocolate in the world is not worth feeling like this."  Knowing, even as I thought them that they of course are not true.   I checked out of life for a few minutes, looking on line for a good deal on humidifiers.  (I know, weird).  Several of my tried and true coping skills kicked in : "Just move - do something.  Don't just sit there and think about everything that's overwhelming you.  Just pick one thing and do it."  So, the girls and I headed out to do some errands.

It was a great distraction, although I did realize something.  This is what SO MANY days of my life have been like.  After several weeks of feeling good - really good - I had almost forgotten the wet blanket, working not to cry, when can I just go do bed? feeling felt like.  So, there I was.  I guess it was a bit of an experiment - to see how I'd do again on "regular" food.  Turns out - not so great.

In order to get back on track, I decided that the snowy, cold weather called for some hearty beef stew.  So, I got out some of the fun new kitchen supplies that my wonderful hubby got me for Christmas and got to work.  

Note to self:  new knives really do cut things better.... Including fingers!

Of course, you can't have beef stew without some homemade bread - so I made a loaf of Paleo bread to go along.  If you're interested, here's what we had for dinner that night:

Whole 30/Paleo Beef Stew

1 onion, chopped
3 cloves of garlic, minced
2 tbsp coconut oil
1 tbsp olive oil
1 lb stew meat (My family does not like large pieces of meat, so I cut it up to small bite sized pieces)
3 cups beef stock
1 cup water
1/2 cup red wine (optional - I just had some around from another recipe, so I threw it in)
1 tsp all spice
1 tsp basil
1 bay leaf
1 tsp (maybe 1 1/2) salt
1/2 tsp pepper
Carrots (how many depends on how chunky you want your stew)
3-4 White potatoes
1-2 sweet potatoes (again - how many potatoes depends on how chunky you like stew)

1 cup gravy
   Gravy:  1 tbsp butter or ghee
                1 tbsp tapioca starch or gluten free flour
               1 cup beef stock


1.  In a large pot, melt coconut oil and olive oil
2.   Add in the onion and garlic.  Cook for 5-7 minutes
3.  Add in stew meat and brown on all sides.  Don't cook it completely - just brown the outsides.
4. Add beef stock, wine, and water.
5.  Add all spice, basil, bay leaf, salt and peper.
6.  Bring to a simmer and cook for 45- 60 minutes.

7.  Add carrots and potatoes.  Simmer for another 20-30 minutes.

8.  Add gravy.  Simmer for another 10-15 minutes.
9.  Serve it up!

Gravy
1.  In a small sauce pan, melt butter or ghee.
2.  As it is melting, add in starch/flour.  Whisk briskly so it doesn't burn.
3.  When it's all mixed/melted, add in the beef stock.
4.  Keep whisking!  You'll get lumps if you don't!
5.  Stir until it's thickened to your liking.


Paleo Bread ( I got this recipe from a website somewhere.  I have no idea where, or I would give credit where credit is due.  Just know that this one is not my own.)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

2 cups almond flour
2 tbsp coconut flour (or sometimes I use all purpose gluten free flour)
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
5 eggs
1 tbsp coconut oil (sometimes I use olive oil)
1 - 2 tbsp honey (depends on how sweet you want your bread)
1 tbsp apple cider vinegar


1.  Mix almond flour, coconut flour, salt, and baking soda together.  Make sure you mix it really well - use a food processor if you have one.  The almond flour can stick together a little.
2.  Mix in the eggs, oil, honey, and vinegar.
3.  Line a bread pan with parchment paper for easy removal.
4.  Fill bread pan, and bake for about 30 minutes.
5.  Viola!  Eat it up :)

Music of the week:  Rich Mullins.  I hadn't listened to him in years and decided I needed to revisit the songs that I loved starting in Jr. High.  I was reminded why he was always one of my favorites.  No doubt I'll be remembering to list to him more often.

I'm hoping that my hung-over-feeling will dissipate soon.  I still have had a crazy head ache today and am super tired.  Live and learn, right?  I'm sure that I'll still have some "special" days that I eat something just because it's so delicious and I want to - but maybe not so much over-indulging next time.... maybe.

Until next time, my friends....Live well.

Becky